I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
