And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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