It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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