she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
