Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
