He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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