hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
