the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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