tell your sister to shave her snatch
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
