All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
