How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
