dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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