Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
