Me. At least after what I've been through.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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