Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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