I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
