yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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