i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
