it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
