Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
