sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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