If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
