just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
