so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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