My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
