Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
