All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
