this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
