I cannot find my penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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