Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk is not a location!
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