I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
