everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
