Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
