we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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