He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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