I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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