just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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