Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
