I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
