put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
