After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
