Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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