If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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