i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
