New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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