she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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