Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently you make a good broom.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
