Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
