I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
