no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had sex on a dog bed..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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