What did we do last night that was yellow?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
