I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
