dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
