I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
