Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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