I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
